SOCIAL SECURITY SEX       
Two men were talking.  "So, how's your sex life?"  "Oh,  nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."  "Social Security sex?"    "Yeah, you know I get a little each month, but not enough to liveon!"  ________________________________ 

LOUD SEX    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets outthis ear splitting yell."    "My dear," the  shrink said, "that's  completely natural. I don't seewhat the problem is."  "The problem is,"  she complained, "it wakes me up!"  ________________________________ 

QUIET SEX  Tired of a listless sex life, the man came  right out and asked hiswifeduring a recent lovemaking session,    "How come you never tell me whenyou have an orgasm?"  She  glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" 

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CONFOUNDED  SEX      A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled andtorn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine couldgive him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover thesurgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the costwouldbe $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."  The man  was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctorurgedhim to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.  Themancalled his wife on the phone and explained their options. The  doctorcame back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.  the man  answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."     

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WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX  A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of  their 40thwedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm  gettingyoua headstone that reads:    'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'."      "Yeah," she  replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone  thatreads:    Here Lies My  Husband - Stiff At  Last.'"     

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WOMEN'S HUMOROUS  SEX    My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will makeyou happy tonight."  He was right.  When he went out of the  bedroom, I squirted it alloverthe doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.     

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ELDERLY  SEX    One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92yearold husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended uppushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted livingapartment . Killing him instantly.  Brought before  the court on  charge of murder, the judge asked her ifshe had anything to say in her defense.  She began coolly, "Yes, yourhonor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex .. He could fly"